Okay, world, here I come – ready or not!-The World God Only Knows

The World God Only Knows
The World God Only Knows

Okay, world, here I come – ready or not!
Note: this photo was published in an undated (Oct 2010) Everyblock NYC zipcodes blog titled "10025."


Wikipedia informs usthat the 96th Street subway station, right across the street from my apartment building, "was part of the original IRT subway and opened on the inaugural date of October 27, 1904."

Though I sometimes feel quite old indeed, I can reassure you that I was not here to witness that inauguration. If I had been there, I’m sure I would have been amazed — for Wikipedia says that at the time, the station served as the "terminus" of express subway service. Adventurous pioneers who really wanted to venture into the wild frontier as far north as 145th Street (not quite as far as today’s Yankee Stadium) had to be content with the fact that the express trains turned into local trains for the rest of the journey north of 96th Street.

In any case, the station continued being used in its original form for quite a long time — until July 2006, when Manhattan Community Board 7 approved an million renovation of the station. The renovation was initially conceived as a response to the Americans with Disabilities Act, and it was planned as a more-or-less straightforward construction of an elevator on the east side, and the west side, of Broadway. But that turned out to be a dead-end; for while the elevators would have carried disabled riders two stories down below the street, they would still have had to climb up one flight of stairs to reach the track level. So a more elaborate plan was eventually developed, which involved constructing a train-station-themed central "headhouse" between 95th and 96th Street, in the median area between the uptown and downtown lanes of Broadway — with staircases and elevators leading directly to the track/platform below. And that required cooperation and approvals from both the Transportation Department and the Parks Department (which "owns" the median space between the uptown/downtown Broadway lanes) and god only knows how many other bureaucratic agencies….

I had just moved into the neighborhood when all of this began, and wasn’t really aware of what was going on. But it became evident in the fall of 2007, when construction began … I live on the 21st floor of a building diagonally across the street from the construction, so it became a daily ritual to observe the state of construction, and the progress (or apparent lack of progress) each morning when I got up to get my first cup of coffee. I knew that it was difficult for the architects and construction crews to carry out the project while the subway was still in full operation, but I didn’t realize just how much of a burden it was; just recently, one of the architects told me that the entire project could have been finished in half the time if they had had the luxury of shutting down the entire station while they were working on it.

Though it seemed forever, the construction is now on the verge of wrapping up, in the fall of 2010. The new headhouse opened on April 5th of this year, and the second of the two walkways from the 96th entrance was opened right around Labor Day. More importantly, there are now trees and plants and shrubbery along the east and west sides of the "plaza," though it will take another 10-15 years for the trees to really take root, spread their branches, and provide shade and cover for the whole area.

On a recent "guided tour" of the subway station, the architects told us that one of the "themes" of the design effort was to make the 96th station look like an old 19th-century train station; hence the curved archway motif. They also wanted to create a sense of "permanence"; hence the use of granite stones for the walls and the walkways. And they wanted to create a sense of transparency, so that the subway station would not be seen as a dark, solid obstacle separating the east side and west side of Broadway; hence the extensive use of windows and access to light.

The photos in this set come from three separate "visits" (that is, photographic visits; I "visit" the subway station almost every day to ride the train uptown or downtown). On one visit, on a sunny mid-day Saturday, I simply sat on one of the "stones" that provides a resting space for visitors and tourists, set my camera to wide-angle, and pointed it in the general direction of people walking by; of the 600 photos that I took, roughly 30 were worth uploading. On a second occasion, I participated in a guided tour of the renovated station, conducted by the architects and the artists who provided some wonderful artistic decoration inside the station. And on the third and final occasion, I sat on the concrete mini-wall at 96th Street, and took 400+ photos of people rushing in and out of the station, from which I was able to extract about 30 interesting "keepers" to upload…

There will probably be more photos in the future, as I return to take pictures of what’s going on; but hopefully this initial batch will give you an idea of the situation…

The World God Only Knows
The World God Only Knows

Erica Rose Campbell
The latest photo of Erica from:

I Iove you guys!
The Only Way Out

This message is to ALL of my friends and fans. I wasn’t sure how exactly to start this…but I trusted that God would help me write this and maybe through me I could speak His word and make His will be done…..

For a long time I have been very lost. So lost in myself and in the world that I didn’t even REALIZE that I was lost. I have always thought of myself as a pretty good person. I love helping people, I love befriending people, I love animal rescue and rehab. I care a GREAT deal for my friends and family and ALWAYS do whatever I can to care for them and make sure that they are ok. For a long time I THOUGHT that I was doing the right thing…..and doing my personal best……well…I was wrong…dead wrong.

Being in the world of adult modeling I see A LOT of pain….A LOT of heart break. SO many lost girls get into this business just for some extra money….to help pay for school….to help support themselves or even their children as single moms. "It’s just temporary". They are only going to do this for a while…just a few shoots.
I too started out to make some extra money to help me finish school. Almost ALL of the time It doesn’t end where you think it will…..the path goes on……the hole gets deeper….and the road gets darker. MOST of the time the girls don’t even realize it. One day you see this bright beautiful girl shooting tame nudes…the next they are signing on the dotted line of a hard-core porn company. Lost. Broken. Alone.

I being on the other side of these pictures you don’t see the pain these girls are in. The struggle….the drugs that they take so they can get themselves through these sets. Sometimes it’s just a show….you pretend to be someone else..become someone you never thought you could be…and the hole gets deeper.

I never thought of myself as one of these girls. What I have been doing "wasn’t porn". I connect to well and so close with so many of my fans. I didn’t realize what I was doing or why.

The past few years have been very difficult for me. That is no secret to anyone that knows anything about me. I have been working my tail off to support myself, my farm, my rescues, my family, and the list goes on. No matter how hard I worked…..no matter how many people or creatures I helped I STILL had that void inside of my heart and my soul. Connecting with person after person through my site as REAL FRIENDS. I understood the loneliness of the people that I would talk to…because I myself was so lonely. The more I shot…the deeper my darkness got…..the more I understood the pain of others. My friends and my fan. There is ONE common thread to so many of us online here…..the need to be loved, accepted, cared for, the need to have SOMEONE understand you and connect with you. At the end of so many of these emails was that loneliness. SO many men have asked me what they were doing wrong, how to find a special girl like me for THEM. How to fill that "void" in their hearts…in their souls. For a long time I thought I was helping to fill that void in the lives of so many, and in a way I was. But it was all a lie. I could never fill that void for anyone…only be a sinful band aid for it. Only cause the loneliness to deepen….only cause my own soul to ache more.

I have been looking so long and so hard for someone to love me. Love ME for ME. Fill that hole in my soul. Complete me. All this time the only thing standing in my way was me. I have been blind and wrong. On so many levels for so long.

I have decided to leave the world of adult and porn behind me….and follow the lord. I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and am devoting my life to HIS WILL. I have found the one thing that can, will and DOES fill that void…and that’s GOD.

I have been trapped in sin and destruction for so long. Disappointment after disappointment……painful venture after painful venture. I have been my own worst enemy. Holding the key all along that could set me free from the darkness that had slowly enveloped me….that was eating away piece by piece my soul. Burning the light out of my eyes so slowly that I didn’t even see it….didn’t know it…..

It is will a new clarity and a new purpose that I will continue my life. I WANT TO HELP THESE GIRLS! These lost souls…..these girls that are ABUSING THEMSELVES. Selling themselves for NOTHING. I want to help them STOP THIS PAIN. I want to show them the light…..and the love of Jesus. ONLY HE CAN FILL THIS VOID IN THEIR LIFE! HE IS THE WAY….THE ONLY WAY.

I also want to help my fans…my friends……This void in your life and heart. You seek pornography to fill it….it’s only a bandage. Sin isn’t ugly….it’s beautiful. It can’t fill the voids in your life. ONLY GOD CAN FILL THEM!

I love my fans, and I love YOU. I want YOU to feel this peace. I want YOU to get out of the darkness that is all around you. You can not live with one foot in Christ and one in the world. Our time here is so short….today could be your last day here. And what will you have lived for? Died for? There is only one way to heaven and eternal life….and that is through Jesus.

I will not and can not desert my friends and fans. The models…..the world. I can’t and I won’t. I am hoping that the Lord will work through me and guide me to do HIS will and help those that I can. Those that will stop and listen….those that will allow the Holy Spirit to fill them and speak to them as it has me.

I know that there are going to be a lot of people that will think this is a big joke….laugh…..wonder if I have lost my mind….well….I have news for you…. FOOLS MOCK THE TRUTH. There is ONE WAY. And only one way. I have found that way. I have FILLED THE HOLE IN MY SOUL! Filled that void that I couldn’t fill with anything else. My life isn’t about ME anymore…..My life is about God and HIS will. I want to spread HIS love. Tell people about Him……lead people home to Him. I don’t care what you have done…..how lost you think you are….how hopeless you think things are……I HAVE GREAT NEWS FOR YOU! It’s NOT TOO LATE. God LOVES YOU! He wants YOU. All you have to do is accept His gift. IT’S RIGHT THERE FOR YOU! Jesus died on the cross for OUR SINS. The price for us has already been PAID IN FULL.

I will not be attending glamourcon or shooting anything else. The next and last person that will see and enjoy my body will be a husband AS GOD INTENDED! I have asked for forgiveness for what I have done AND HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN! I will spend the rest of my life doing the Lords will and the Lords work. I AM HIS!

I want you ALL to know that I love you very much…..you ARE MY FRIENDS! I want you to know God…..I want you to get out of this darkness…this saddness and follow the word of God. There is ONLY ONE WAY OUT!

I will not abandon you……

My life is beginning NOW. From this day on I will live HIS will and HIS way. My heart is HIS.

Serving Christ,


The World God Only Knows
The World God Only Knows

Happy birthday, Mr Pessoa – Feliz aniversário, Sr. Pessoa – 2

Today, Fernando Pessoa would be 120 years old.
(Pena Palace seen from Quinta da Regaleira).

Hoje, Fernando Pessoa faria 120 anos.
(O Palácio da Pena visto da Quinta da Regaleira).



Back when people celebrated my birthday,
I was happy and no one was dead.
In the ancient house, even my birthday was an ancient tradition many centuries old,
And everyone’s joy, and mine, was as sure as a religion.

Back when my birthday was celebrated,
I was healthy not to understand anything,
To be intelligent only in the family circle,
And not to share other people’s hopes for me.
When I started having hopes, I no longer knew how to have them.
When I started to look at life, I had lost the meaning of life.

Yes, all that I supposedly was to myself,
What I was at heart and blood-wise.
What I was during semi-province evenings,
What I was as someone who was loved and a small boy,
What I was ? o God! What only now I know that I was…
It’s so far away!…
(Not so much…)
The days when my birthday was celebrated!

What I am today is like the humidity in the corridor at the end of the house,
Like mould growing on walls…
What I am today (and the house of those who loved me trembles through my tears),
What I am today is the fact they have sold the house,
That they’ve all died,
That I have survived myself like a match gone cold…

When my birthday was celebrated…
Is like a beloved to me, like a person from those days!
A physical desire of the soul to find itself there again,
Through a metaphysical and carnal voyage,
With a duality between myself and I…
To eat the past like one starved eats bread, with no time for butter
Between one’s teeth!

Once more I see everything with such clarity that I’m blinded to what’s here now…
The table set with more places, better designs on the tableware, more glasses,
The sideboard with lots of things – sweets, fruits, the rest in the shadows under the dry-room -,
The old aunts, the different cousins, and it was all for my sake,
Back then, when my birthday was celebrated…

Stop, heart of mine!
Don’t think! Leave the thinking in your head!
O my God, my God, my God!
Today I no longer have birthdays.
I last.
Days are added to me.
I’ll be old when I am.
Nothing more.
Rage at not having brought the past with me, stolen in my pocket!…

The days when my birthday was celebrated!…

Álvaro de Campos,
aka Fernando Pessoa



No tempo em que festejavam o dia dos meus anos,
Eu era feliz e ninguém estava morto.
Na casa antiga, até eu fazer anos era uma tradição de há séculos,
E a alegria de todos, e a minha, estava certa com uma religião qualquer.

No tempo em que festejavam o dia dos meus anos,
Eu tinha a grande saúde de não perceber coisa nenhuma,
De ser inteligente para entre a família,
E de não ter as esperanças que os outros tinham por mim.
Quando vim a ter esperanças, já não sabia ter esperanças.
Quando vim a.olhar para a vida, perdera o sentido da vida.

Sim, o que fui de suposto a mim-mesmo,
O que fui de coração e parentesco.
O que fui de serões de meia-província,
O que fui de amarem-me e eu ser menino,
O que fui — ai, meu Deus!, o que só hoje sei que fui…
A que distância!…
(Nem o acho… )
O tempo em que festejavam o dia dos meus anos!

O que eu sou hoje é como a umidade no corredor do fim da casa,
Pondo grelado nas paredes…
O que eu sou hoje (e a casa dos que me amaram treme através das minhas lágrimas),
O que eu sou hoje é terem vendido a casa,
É terem morrido todos,
É estar eu sobrevivente a mim-mesmo como um fósforo frio…

No tempo em que festejavam o dia dos meus anos …
Que meu amor, como uma pessoa, esse tempo!
Desejo físico da alma de se encontrar ali outra vez,
Por uma viagem metafísica e carnal,
Com uma dualidade de eu para mim…
Comer o passado como pão de fome, sem tempo de manteiga nos dentes!

Vejo tudo outra vez com uma nitidez que me cega para o que há aqui…
A mesa posta com mais lugares, com melhores desenhos na loiça, com mais copos,
O aparador com muitas coisas — doces, frutas, o resto na sombra debaixo do alçado,
As tias velhas, os primos diferentes, e tudo era por minha causa,
No tempo em que festejavam o dia dos meus anos. . .

Pára, meu coração!
Não penses! Deixa o pensar na cabeça!
Ó meu Deus, meu Deus, meu Deus!
Hoje já não faço anos.
Somam-se-me dias.
Serei velho quando o for.
Mais nada.
Raiva de não ter trazido o passado roubado na algibeira! …
O tempo em que festejavam o dia dos meus anos!…

(Poemas de Álvaro de Campos)

The World God Only Knows

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